Shakespeare: You can lead a horse to water...

There was an article in the paper a few weeks or so ago, about how NZQA and/or the government are attempting to make alternative papers to the Shakespeare paper taken at NCEA level 3. Now, I reckon that this is a brilliant idea; if someone were taking English at that level, and found Shakespeare to be irrelevant for their job, then it should be acceptable.

Shakespeare is pretty much only studied today because he was quite clever with his wording, and played around with it. However, since when was the last time you found a job in the paper which required you to do that? And aren't there other writers who do that, but with a version of English which people actually speak? And if you were willing to be a writer, are you sure you're going to need to do Shakespeare exactly?

So, I think that supplying an alternative to this paper is a brilliant idea, as NCEA is mainly oriented around showing your employer what you are able to do. If that were merely a report, I could close this post now.

But it wasn't. The article was about a bunch of senior English teachers who don't like the idea of an alternative, instead doing stuff the same old fucking way and essentially telling their students, "That's what it was like in my day." In other words, "Well, it worked for me." Great, let's bring back School C's subsidised grading! And if any year group makes a vast improvement, they'll still get a bunch of Ds! Yeah! Let's do that!

The "well, it worked for me" excuse sucks. It hardly even counts as an excuse. Have a look at some of the inventions you see around you. I mean, before the printing press, writing hundreds of copies by hand "worked for me". And don't get me started on the Internet. There's a lot of work put into there. And what about before Shakespeare? What did Shakespeare study?

Here's what I think about English. It has the potential to be a good subject, and I can see the potential there. However, the examiners have made a good job at being lazy and making students write yet another fucking essay, instead of actually telling them what they're looking for. Actually, let's make an acronym out of that: YAFE. Because that's what English is pretty much about these days.

If you want me to write my opinion on a topic, I can quite happily do that; in fact, I am doing it right now, although not in the standardationalisismed essay format. But if you want me to write some crap about what I thought about the language used in a book which I really don't give a rat's ass about, forget it. Take this test paper and shove it up your ass. Oh wait, you printed three of them. Having fun, dear? Are You Okay, Dear? Would You Like Me To Get You Something, Dear?

And now we return back to the topic, so you don't have to hear a rant about bananas. While Shakespeare was a very skilled writer, his plays were written to be performed. And there's one place for Shakespeare's plays: drama. If you really can't get enough Shakespeare, go and teach drama.

I am aware that Shakespeare wrote about 150 sonnets, but quite clearly I don't give a flying fuck about any of them. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. I, for one, have not felt the need for Shakespeare in my life outside of drama and English, and almost my entire life is out of English; in fact, I'm learning a few other languages. [なんでやねん] といっている?

(note: if you see a whole bunch of question marks there, go get yourself some Japanese fonts and make the world a better place.)

Honestly, why can't you deal with a little bit of change? And even then, they're not disposing of anything. It's people like you who bore the fuck out of students like me (although I'm signing out on Thursday, so no more school \o/). And heck, it's not like they're offering a 10-credit unit standard for showing up to class 5 days in a row.

Yes, that is an actual paper, although I'm not sure about how many credits it's worth. It's also what I would call a complete fucking disgrace. Like English. Except around the other way.

Wow, what a rant. By the way, seeing as that species of English teacher appears to hate bullet points and irrelevant crap, I'll list the languages I'm attempting to learn:

• Japanese - I have been learning this for 5 years. I need to learn more vocabulary if I'm to continue with this. Sadly, I may not touch this again.
  
• Spanish - Currently on hold. Again, vocabulary is an issue.
• German - My current project. I'm actually writing stuff down this time. Wie geht's?

And that will be me for now. As for now, I conclude: Out, damned Shakespeare!