Yay, I've created a blogspot site. Last night, I checked to see if bluntknife was available, and... it wasn't. It was used to advertise some stupid I.T. company which nobody seems to care about. Now, I was looking for somewhere I could ask for that address, as advertising things which nobody cares about is not only a violation of the terms of service, but is also a violation of the fundamental principle of social life, which is "Don't be a dick". So, that gave me a brilliant idea for my first rant.
Now, I normally go by the alias "GreaseMonkey". (Yes, I do have that Firefox plugin installed. Yes, it's a good plugin.) So, I was wondering if greasemonkey.org was available. What do I get?
A search engine called "What you need, when you need it."
No, I didn't want a fucking search engine, thank you very much, and certainly not now. If I wanted a search engine, I would have opened up Google.
This one particular "search engine" crops up a lot, and when you definitely don't need it. I tried greasemonkey.org recently, and it no longer has that. Instead, it has a list of links which nobody cares about. Did they realise that it was false advertising?
No, they did not. Try wikpedia.com. Yep, "What you need, when you need it". Actually, don't go there; they may drop a drive-by download in after I post this.
It appears to be owned by "information.com". Do you see Google doing that sort of crap? No, you do not. Why not? Because Google doesn't need to. These guys need to do this sort of bullshit just so people notice them. It means that they suck.
Now, here's the "Related searches" list:
* Free Online Encyclopedia
* Free Credit Report
* People Search
* Wikipedia Encyclopedia (this one was really big - I wonder why?)
* Criminal Background Check
* Background Check
* Find People
* Car Insurance
* Criminal Records
Yes, like I'd *really* search Wikipedia for a free credit report.
So, I'm going to analyse this list:
Free Online Encyclopedia - Wow. You were actually even close to being right.
Free Credit Report - I'm fine, thanks. My piggy bank works well.
People Search - Great, now these scammers can find out who my family is and kidnap them. What a great way to make revenue!
Wikipedia Encyclopedia - Thanks for correcting my spelling. I'll type in wikipedia.com next time (it's .org, btw, but .com redirects).
Criminal Background Check - Wow, a search engine catering for its employers!
Background Check - See above.
Find People - See further above.
Car Insurance - You'll need this if they find your number plate.
Criminal Records - See above. Again.
Let's click on one of those, shall we?
I have removed the URLs. Yes, I do live in New Zealand; at least that's one thing they can get right.
Sponsored Listings:
Financial Freedom - Make Money From Home Online Op For Motivated Individuals
Molluscum Contagiosum - It Started With One Red Bump. Then The One Became 20. It's Spreading.
"how To Lose Stomach Fat" - Finally, A Diet That Really Works! As Seen On CNN, NBC, CBS & Fox News
Multi Level Marketing - Secrets about multi level marketing your upline won't tell you!
Father Of 4 Makes It Big - A $250K 1st Year Income Potential Using A Simple 3 Step System
Kiwi Family Find Freedom - Create Success Working From Home. $250K+pa Potential. Find Out How...
OK, so we can learn a few things from here:
1. Capitalising All Words Is A Sure Fire Way To Make Your Customers Actually Give A Crap.
2. Especially With An Exclamation Mark On The End!
3. People go to Wikipedia, "the free encyclopedia", because they want to make money, lose weight, and get nasty infections.
Whatever you do, don't click any of the links, because last time I did that, I didn't turn off javascript, and so I got a porno popup. Oh, here's another thing:
4. Everyone uses search engines for porn.
That one is partially true, just not the "everyone" bit.
Alright then, let's do a search. I'm going to try two things: "walgreens" (even though there isn't a Walgreens in New Zealand), and "answer man" (from Comedy Inc, an Australian TV show).
Here's "Walgreens". I can't be arsed formatting any more.
Sponsored Listings
Pharmacies Your Guide to local Pharmacies. Just Go Yellow! <-- yellow pages. appropriate. but there's no walgreens in NZ.
Drug Store - Nz Find a pharmacy in your area with the finda Business Directory. <-- ditto. congradulations, mister research.
-------------------- (yes, there is a line here)
Looking For Walgreens? Find all of the best sites for walgreens. We have everything you need to know about walgreens. <-- uhuh. this is "look".
Walgreens Looking for walgreens? Find the top sites for walgreens today. <-- yeah. this is "searchexplorer." like that's going to work.
Walgreens In Encyclopedia Check Free Online Encyclopedia for information about walgreens. <-- yeap. this is "thefreedictionary". it's definately a word shakespeare would have used.
WebSearch Results
Walgreens.com - Online Pharmacy & Drugstore, Prescription... Walgreens.com - America's online pharmacy serving your needs for health & wellness products <-- wow. this is the actual website.
Red Streak- Chicago Sun-times HOME | NEWS | MONEY | SPORTS | ENTERTAINMENT | FEATURES | SCURRILOUS RED STREAK PERSONALS Meet someo... <-- what. the. fuck.
Right now, you're probably thinking, "Wow. These guys haven't got a fucking clue." In your own words, of course.
Now for "answer man".
Sponsored Listings
Find Yourself A Woman Immediate Contact with hot Ladies No Registration, free Access now! <-- he had a sex change?
answer Services 24hrs / 7day’s - New Zealand Call Answering and Telemarketing <-- hey guys, there's an idea for you.
New Zealand Site Features 130,000 Members. Discover Why It's So Popular! <-- this is "smilecity", it is actually a proper website.
answer Man Buy Answer Man Australia's leading online stores <-- wow, answer man has merchandise? cool!
Considering that cybersquatting is illegal, these domains should be freeable for anyone who is willing to file a complaint to the correct authorities. Start with rebel.com, they're the ones who take care of the domain. If that doesn't work, go to internic.net. They own the .com, .org, and .net ranges. Finally, try ARPA, or FCC; they may be the ones you need to deal with. If they don't do anything, then I'm terribly sorry. I highly recommend that you just print the page, then take a lighter to it, and burn it, all the while playing "Disco Inferno" (by The Trammps, if you're curious).
Finally, here's the actual Wikipedia article on cybersquatting:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cybersquatting
Enjoy.
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2 comments:
Posted by request, from IRC, by Spaz:
GreaseMonkey, several minor inaccuracies:
1. ARPA no longer deals with cybersquatting complains (and it's DARPA anyway)
2. internic.net iirc no longer owns the domains in question (verisign.com owns .com, i forgot about .org and .net)
ah yeah the public interest registry runs .org
Verisign also owns .net :p. But they're a bunch of douchebags, don't expect much out of them (they used to redirect all DNS SERVFAIL queries in the .com and .net domains to some cybersquatting page similar to the one you are describing). The .org guys are a bit more friendly, as the PIR is an arm of ICANN. Good luck getting the cybersquatters away from a domain though, because often these guys operate in countries that just don't give a damn (like Russia or Romania).
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